Website copy

Before you sat down to write your Effective Ad Copy,
you should have thought through and had the following Items at hand,
friend.

A description of the lifestyle and mental makeup of the top two or three
segments of people who will be most likely to want or need your product.

A list of the top two or three buyer motivations under each catagory of
persons. This information you can determine with just a little book
study and by talking to people.
These may be exclusivity, power, fear, fun, curiosity, practicality,
etc.

A list of features and benefits that hold importance to these groups.

IN FACT, EVERYTHING YOU WRITE SHOULD BE WRITTEN FROM THE MINDSET OF
THESE CATAGORIES OF PEOPLE. BECOME THEM WHILE YOU WRITE. WRITE ONLY
CUSTOMER CENTERED COPY, REMOVE YOUR OWN PREFERNCES FROM THE LOOP AT THIS
POINT, THERE IS A PLACE FOR YOUR PERSONALITY, BUT NOT AT THIS POINT.

You should know enough about these people to be able to hold a 10 minute
conversation at a party acting within their identity. How do they shop?
Where do they shop? Why do they shop? What turns them off? What turns
them on? What do that consider important? What Makes them uncomforable?
How much do they earn? What type of work do they do. What are their
pastimes? How do they feel about new things? Do they enjoy humor or does
it make them suspicious? How much time do they like to spent on any
given activity?

Once you determine these things, you are ready to begin writing your
Copy. Begin to stack up the benefits of the product beginning with the
most compelling according to them. Use what you know about them to
determine the "tone" and phrasing which works best for them.

For a headline,
Begin with a Loaded Question, Throw down a Gaunlet, Open with a Bang, or
An Offer of help.

Begin right away offering benefits that are of IMPORTANCE to them, and
they well stick with the copy.
Looks like the foundation is missing under your copy.

~zion~