Website copy

imsmart0@aol.com (brian) wrote in message
news:<bkoni20e8c@enews2.newsguy.com>...
> I have a website which the domain will be advertised in popular
> science magazine in november. I need to know if the website copy has
> clarity, impact, and reasonabe hype.can it be better. What I am asking
> is do you think a technology minded person would be interested in
> buying.
>


I have redone the website in a more professional manner. Please give a
critique. i want to thank you for your time
www.deepredspecialties.com

On 25 Sep 2003 09:26:39 GMT, imsmart0@aol.com (brian) wrote:
>imsmart0@aol.com (brian) wrote in message
>news:<bkoni20e8c@enews2.newsguy.com>...
>> I have a website which the domain will be advertised in popular
>> science magazine in november. I need to know if the website copy has
>> clarity, impact, and reasonabe hype.can it be better. What I am asking
>> is do you think a technology minded person would be interested in
>> buying.
>>
>
>
>I have redone the website in a more professional manner. Please give a
>critique. i want to thank you for your time
>www.deepredspecialties.com

You can move a considerable amount of what is available as links back
to the main page. The problem I had before with your website was that
it looked unprofessional to me. Consider reviewing other websites on
the Internet and seeing how information is organized. You want
visitors to consider your website and product legitimate.

Also, FYI, your website doesn't render very well under Opera.

> >www.deepredspecialties.com
>
> You can move a considerable amount of what is available as links back
> to the main page. The problem I had before with your website was that
> it looked unprofessional to me. Consider reviewing other websites on
> the Internet and seeing how information is organized. You want
> visitors to consider your website and product legitimate.
>
> Also, FYI, your website doesn't render very well under Opera.


I hate to say but my aim is to move the website visitor from the front
page to printing out the order form and mailing it in with the check.
There are testimonials from the ebay feedback(thank you mike!) to show
that others have been satisfied with these. I want the front page to
make the person to check out the rest of the site. My order form is
where I use color to induce buying emotions. I really need to make
this site as powerful as possible without the viewer knowing the are
compelled to buy.
I need to ask does this site make you interested and does the order
form make you want to buy?

On 28 Sep 2003 06:37:17 GMT, imsmart0@aol.com (brian) wrote:
>> >www.deepredspecialties.com
>>
>> You can move a considerable amount of what is available as links back
>> to the main page. The problem I had before with your website was that
>> it looked unprofessional to me. Consider reviewing other websites on
>> the Internet and seeing how information is organized. You want
>> visitors to consider your website and product legitimate.
>>
>> Also, FYI, your website doesn't render very well under Opera.
>
>
>I hate to say but my aim is to move the website visitor from the front
>page to printing out the order form and mailing it in with the check.

You hate to say that a website selling a product is trying to lead
viewers to the order form?

>There are testimonials from the ebay feedback(thank you mike!) to show
>that others have been satisfied with these. I want the front page to
>make the person to check out the rest of the site. My order form is

The testimonials are good. Should you put the first name of the person
being quoted? They look made up to me without it. How about:

"blah blah" - bob343, ebay.com

>where I use color to induce buying emotions. I really need to make
>this site as powerful as possible without the viewer knowing the are
>compelled to buy.
>I need to ask does this site make you interested and does the order
>form make you want to buy?

Not me personally. Like I said before, I would put some more detail on
the front page. Look, with a website if a person doesn't immediately
get interested then they are probably going to leave the site. Your
first page should say "THIS IS A COOL PRODUCT. BUY ME." I noticed
first off that I have to scroll down to read the product description.

In two paragraphs or so, with possibly a diagram or two, you should be
able to really dazzle your viewers. Make sure to insert a few links to
the order page and then you are done.

How about this:

[image] product description
[maybe a diagram] how the product works
testimonials

If you format the page right then most of the details can be seen
without scrolling down. The testimonials may go off screen, but hey,
that just means that you have a lot of testimonials for your product.

The page still doesn't come out right in either IE6 or Opera. There is
a huge black rectangle on the right.

imsmart0@aol.com (brian) wrote in message
news:<bl5vit01t0e@enews1.newsguy.com>...
> > >www.deepredspecialties.com

> I hate to say but my aim is to move the website visitor from the front
> page to printing out the order form and mailing it in with the check.
> There are testimonials from the ebay feedback(thank you mike!) to show
> that others have been satisfied with these. I want the front page to
> make the person to check out the rest of the site. My order form is
> where I use color to induce buying emotions. I really need to make
> this site as powerful as possible without the viewer knowing the are
> compelled to buy.
> I need to ask does this site make you interested and does the order
> form make you want to buy?

Wow.

What a site.

It screams Frontpage, let me check the source, Oh look! It's
Frontpage! MIstake number one.

There is so much wrong with the site, it's hard to know where to
start.

Design:
What are the black borders for? WHat are the different colours fonts
for? What are the mad oversized Ebay-style centred headlines for. What
is a headline like HOW THEY WORK doing ABOVE some testimonials?

Where is the navigation? THERE ISN'T ANY! Why are all the pages
different in terms of colours, fonts and layout? Why do you use SO
MANY fonts?

If the purpose of the site is to SELL why is there only one order
button?

Typos:
There are so many. You need a copy writer. Title bar is the worst.
Useful only has one l. "vomit green" isn't pleasant. etc

In order to sell something it is very easy. You need to:

Define the need of the customer
"Do you ever wish you could see better in low light without using
expensive night vision goggles?"

Identify the marketplace
Bird watchers, spys, ***ual perverts all could benefit from my
goggles.

Prove that what you have meets the needs
Here are the goggles, here are some pictures taken showing how it
works

Agree: get them to agree that what you have solves their needs
Can you see how these goggles work and do what you need them to?

Desire: stimulate even more desire
This is where you can place the testimonials - but don't put the
standard ebay A+++++++++++++++++++++++ feedback. Make it look like it
comes from indivudals, not through ebay, Ebay is where people that
cannot set up proper ecommerce go.

Action:
Get them to give you money.

(DIPADA)

Do this and it will work.

Currently your site utterly misses the point on so many levels.

MUST: Create a navigation. www.apple.com is a brilliant nav. Do not
make one very long page. Make several pages that do different things.
Your navs should be:

PRODUCT, PICTURES, HOW IT WORKS, TESTIMONIALS, ABOUT US, CONTACT US,
ORDER

Put ORDER links on each page
Put CONTACT US on each page
Put your phone number prominently

If you want to look like a dodgy ebay amateur, you are doing a
sterling job. If you want to appear like a serious, legitiamte,
professional company, get some professional people to make your
website. You have to make this initial investment. There is no excuse
not to.

Also, I cannot recommend this strongly enough, get Permission
Marketing and Unleashing The Idea Virus by Seth Godin.
www.sethgodin.com

Utter genius and his models would work fantasically for your product.

Good luck.

"mr goat" <mrgoat@bigfoot.com> wrote in message
news:blig2u0ver@enews2.newsguy.com...
>
>
> Define the need of the customer
> "Do you ever wish you could see better in low light without using
> expensive night vision goggles?"

Or: "See better in low light , etc."
Instead of a question, make it a call to action.

Perhaps filtered images showing examples of what things look like with and
without the goggles. (I keep wanting to type googles.)

>
> PRODUCT, PICTURES, HOW IT WORKS, TESTIMONIALS, ABOUT US, CONTACT US,
> ORDER
>
> Put ORDER links on each page

If there's scrolling, in several places, or maybe even a floating JavaScript
image button.


--
McWebber
No email replies read
If someone tells you to forward an email to all your friends
please forget that I'm your friend.

"McWebber" <mcwebber@my-deja.com> wrote in message
> >
> > Define the need of the customer
> > "Do you ever wish you could see better in low light without using
> > expensive night vision goggles?"
>
> Or: "See better in low light , etc."
> Instead of a question, make it a call to action.

No. You cannot make a call to action until you have defined what the
prospect wants. The whole point of structuring a la DIPADA is to lead
the prospect down a logical path where he/she has NO OPTION but to buy
at the end.

I am a huge fan of calls to action, but they need to happen after the
definition, agreement, proof and desire.

>
> Perhaps filtered images showing examples of what things look like with and
> without the goggles. (I keep wanting to type googles.)
>
> >
> > PRODUCT, PICTURES, HOW IT WORKS, TESTIMONIALS, ABOUT US, CONTACT US,
> > ORDER
> >
> > Put ORDER links on each page
>
> If there's scrolling, in several places, or maybe even a floating JavaScript
> image button.

Scrolling == bad
Floating Scrolling Java == bad

Repeat after me

I WILL NEVER PUT SCROLLING TEXT ON ANY WEBSITE EVER

Thank you

mrgoat@bigfoot.com (mr goat) wrote in message
news:<blss5c02j4g@enews2.newsguy.com>...
> "McWebber" <mcwebber@my-deja.com> wrote in message
> > >

>
> Repeat after me
>
> I WILL NEVER PUT SCROLLING TEXT ON ANY WEBSITE EVER
>
> Thank you
>
>

The site is different now. www.deepredspecialties.com
I want to thank the newsgroup for thier criticism. Is there anybody
out there who truly is a business and marketing master who thinks that
this site appeals to the scientifically orientated demographic.
If you were an engineer and had two kids would you buy three pairs?
If you were some retired person who read POPSCI frequently would you
buy these for your grandchildren.
If you were a kid would you buy them and one for your friend. I have
studied the big money ads in this magazine. All of the ads were very
fact based and lacked alot of emotional appeals. the ads are very
logical and direct. They mention facts instead of benefits. If those
who spend $250000 on a full page ad they got to know what they are
doing.

> > Repeat after me
> >
> > I WILL NEVER PUT SCROLLING TEXT ON ANY WEBSITE EVER
> >
> > Thank you
> >
> >
>
> The site is different now. www.deepredspecialties.com
> I want to thank the newsgroup for thier criticism. Is there anybody
> out there who truly is a business and marketing master who thinks that
> this site appeals to the scientifically orientated demographic.

No. It appeals to no one. It looks like it was done in Frontpage by an
amateur. And it was. Pay someone to do it. Please. You clearly are
great at making goggles, but you are not a copy writer or web
designer. It shows. I would NEVER put a credit number into a site that
looks like yours.

> If you were an engineer and had two kids would you buy three pairs?
> If you were some retired person who read POPSCI frequently would you
> buy these for your grandchildren.

It is reminiscent of the 'IMPROVE YOUR MEMORY' ads. The cheap ones
that no one responds to.

> If you were a kid would you buy them and one for your friend. I have
> studied the big money ads in this magazine. All of the ads were very
> fact based and lacked alot of emotional appeals.

But they were created by a professional designer and a professional
copy writer.

>the ads are very
> logical and direct. They mention facts instead of benefits.

Feature, Advantage, Benefit is the rule.

>If those
> who spend $250000 on a full page ad they got to know what they are
> doing.

oh no.

a) they use an agency and get much better rates than that
b) just cos they are spending money on media doesn't mean they know
what they are doing

PLEASE get a pro to redo it for you.

You need some navigation, some copy, some images, and some solid
hosting and you will be there. I reckon it should set you back about
$5k for a professional company to sort you out.

In article <bmk1s6028km@enews4.newsguy.com>,
mrgoat@bigfoot.com (mr goat) wrote:

> > > Repeat after me
> > >
> > > I WILL NEVER PUT SCROLLING TEXT ON ANY WEBSITE EVER
> > >
> > > Thank you
> > >
> > >
> >
> > The site is different now. www.deepredspecialties.com
> > I want to thank the newsgroup for thier criticism. Is there anybody
> > out there who truly is a business and marketing master who thinks that
> > this site appeals to the scientifically orientated demographic.
>
> No. It appeals to no one. It looks like it was done in Frontpage by an
> amateur. And it was. Pay someone to do it. Please. You clearly are
> great at making goggles, but you are not a copy writer or web
> designer. It shows. I would NEVER put a credit number into a site that
> looks like yours.
>
> > If you were an engineer and had two kids would you buy three pairs?
> > If you were some retired person who read POPSCI frequently would you
> > buy these for your grandchildren.
>
> It is reminiscent of the 'IMPROVE YOUR MEMORY' ads. The cheap ones
> that no one responds to.
>
> > If you were a kid would you buy them and one for your friend. I have
> > studied the big money ads in this magazine. All of the ads were very
> > fact based and lacked alot of emotional appeals.
>
> But they were created by a professional designer and a professional
> copy writer.
>
> >the ads are very
> > logical and direct. They mention facts instead of benefits.
>
> Feature, Advantage, Benefit is the rule.
>
> >If those
> > who spend $250000 on a full page ad they got to know what they are
> > doing.
>
> oh no.
>
> a) they use an agency and get much better rates than that
> b) just cos they are spending money on media doesn't mean they know
> what they are doing
>
> PLEASE get a pro to redo it for you.
>
> You need some navigation, some copy, some images, and some solid
> hosting and you will be there. I reckon it should set you back about
> $5k for a professional company to sort you out.



I think that's overpricing. It's a small and simple site that requires a
content/copy rework and a redesign. You could probably get a freelancer
to do it for up to 1k.
--
--
Tyler C. Hellard
mhm14x9